Playground Uprising


Bumboing Idiot
March 7, 2007, 12:50 pm
Filed under: Children, Family, Life, parenting

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By the time poor Charlie was born I had sufficiently convinced myself that 99% of all baby equipment is superfluous and belongs somewhere far away from my closets, cupboards, corners, and consciousness, for those things I cannot see, hear, trip on, or otherwise concern myself with contribute to my minimalist version of sanity.

Let’s take the Diaper Genie … a large white cylinder that requires a Masters degree in engineering to assemble and at least two therapist appointments in which to discuss how you can’t possibly parent a new child as evident by your inability to put together this Sausage Pooper, as so named for its impressive ability to twist poopy diapers into loose rings that are eventually disposed of or saved for the Christmas season and used to decorate your unfriendly neighbor’s front yard spruce. Now if you mark your calendars once a month for trash disposal or have an affinity for buying expensive specialty trash bags just for this purpose, than this may be the contraption for you, but for those that exist in my realm of reality (and for that I apologize) and take your trash out with the regularity of having breakfast or cursing at the morning news, than buyer beware.

The large infant swing is another foe that faced prompt household eviction for its titanic inspired base, the catchy tunes that followed me to cocktail parties, and its inability to offer little in the way of comfort to outraged supposed fans. So one afternoon we packed it in the back of the car and headed to the consignment shop where we accosted an admirer in the parking lot and offered promptly to load it into her minivan free of charge, therefore avoiding the risk of possible store rejection.

Based on this history you may be surprised to hear that this morning I entered the doors of the dreaded baby super store to purchase the famed Bumbo seat which promises to perk up my floppy friend, offering him a new and sophisticated vision of the world.

And now here he sits.

In his neon blue throne.

Upright …for the first time.

Well kinda ….he is beginning to falter …. now imitating the Leaning Tower of Pisa …. alert …. alert … man down … man down …. no problem … mom to the rescue …. oh no …. he is stuck  …. like an algae eater to his blue lagoon …. quick someone throw him a poopy sausage ring and pull him to shore.

Did we get the minivan lady’s phone number?

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1 Comment so far
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OK..that is the cutest picture EVER..can I reach through and squeeze those cheekies??

The chair looks “comfortable” ??? 🙂

Comment by MP




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