Playground Uprising


Do You See That Kid’s Parent?
February 8, 2007, 5:45 pm
Filed under: Children, parenting

matchbox.jpg

If you are out in public and your child is misbehaving, as if it is possible to have a child in public that is not misbehaving, and you hear the accusatory words, “Do you see that kid’s parent?” learn to perfect the act of putting your hand to your head as if in search of the offender.

But, be aware that sometimes these words are not vocalized but instead played out by glares, scowls, and under the breath four letter word utterances.

I am addicted to bagels. This has relevance because yesterday this addiction led me to a local bagel joint to have coffee with a friend, fellow mother in crime, and her two children. As we cozied up to the fire to enjoy our smears, vainly attempting to have a cohesive conversation (I have totally forgotten what this looks like) the circus began.

First some background info. On the way to the bagel joint Mac declared emphatically that he wanted a cinnamon scone and apple juice. Now for those of you not familiar with the wrath of the cinnamon scone let me enlighten. Cinnamon scones have approximately 7,000 calories made up of about 99% sugar and upon contact break into a million little pieces destine for the dirty floor. So, obviously this purchase is a wise parenting choice.

So here we are, Mac with his hyper-scone, me with my blueberry bagel and hazelnut cream cheese, and Charlie with his copious amounts of drool.

“Can I have your bagel mom?” This sentence is uttered at least three times an hour inserting various menu items depending on the time of day and level of nutritious desperation. I of course, modeling good sharing protocol, launch into, “I just bought you this expensive scone (at good $1.50 worth) and blah blah blah”  … but in a quest for silence I proceed to divvy up the scone and feel a bit resentful.

For Mac, the eating portion of the morning last approximately 6 minutes (I am a big believer in encouraging silence through eating and fully expect to be on Dr. Phil in 5 years being accused of teaching my children to deal with their emotions through teddy grahams and goldfish).

What follows is 2 minutes with the Leapster video game, 1 minute with the coloring book, 3 minutes peeling stickers, and then it is time to bring out the big guns, which in our family takes the form of MATCHBOX CARS.

Now the great thing about matchbox cars is you can get them for about .50 at any local Target, supermarket, or drugstore, which is a good thing since we encounter on average one daily casualty.

And so it begins. First the matchbox cars careen off the stone fireplace (eliciting angry stares from the gentleman attempting to work on his computer), then they fly down the back of the leather couch (provoking evil looks from the elderly), and finally they end up airborne heading straight for the pickup counter (disgruntling already slightly hostile employees)….  and then I hear it …. the remark that can stop a thousand ships, “Have you seen that kid’s parent?” …. and of course I respond by putting my hand over my head in search of the offender.

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